I wrote this in prison during one of the darker stretches.

When my mind felt loud.
When the fight felt constant.
When faith and doubt lived in the same breath.

I didn’t edit it then.
I’m not editing it now.

This is exactly how it came out.

——
I’m fight demons all day long
Then the nightmares haunt my nights
Will I ever get a break
Or will I lose the will to fight

Just when I think I’m in the clear
And survived to fight another day
My depression, anxiety, the madness
Always have something to say

“Not good enough; not worth a damn
Why are you even alive
Your goals, your dreams, your destiny
Is a place you’ll never arrive”

“So take a drug or a knife
And you’ll feel a little better
I know it sucks
But at least we have each other”

“Who else is there when you are lost
And cannot find your way
No one else because you don’t deserve it
You’ll never be okay”

The real me is fighting to come back
As a mother, a daughter, a friend
I pray loudly to God
And beg for the sadness to end

I cannot think; I cannot speak
So I cant tell you what is wrong
The best I can do
Is try to write this song

When the mental illness dissipates
And I can finally get a break
Eloquent words flood my mind
Begging me to remember for another time

I may as well keep fighting
Even when I know I’ll fail
Because God says it’s not my time to die
It’s my time to prevail

God reminds me I have a purpose
And though I doubt it, He says I’m worth it
My tragedy has a story to tell
To keep someone else from living this hell